campus bookstore

La Crosse, WI, USA

(Note: I work in my campus bookstore where many of our clothing items are somewhat pricey. This customer came to my register and handed me a coffee thermos and an expensive sweatshirt.)

Me: Your total comes to $75.78.

Customer: (Hands me $9.00, 7 $1.00 bills and one $2.00)

Me: Sir I don’t believe we accept $2.00 bills, but I can take the rest. Would you like to put the rest on a credit card?

Customer: Isn’t that enough money?

Me: No, sir, it’s $75, not $7.

Customer: Ohhh I thought that would cover it.

Me: I’m sorry, but everything in our store is pretty great quality so our items are more expensive.

Customer: …That doesn’t make sense. (pays with a credit card and storms out)

Higher End Clothing

Leawood KS

(This is my first day on the job working at a clothing store which many people deem pretentious, but I knew someone who got me the job. After dealing with a drunk mom who was taking her late 20’s son jean shopping a flustered well dressed woman comes charging in and walks up to me)

Customer: Do you work here? I need to know if the jacket I had transferred from a different store is in?

Me: Uhh (Literally my first day) Hey *coworker* this lady needs help.

(Customer is visibly annoyed, but asks coworker same question)

Coworker: Let me check on the jacket. (Comes back) I’m sorry it hasn’t come in yet.

Customer: It hasn’t come in yet?! Are you serious?! It’s been 2 weeks now!

Coworker: I’m sorry, let me call the other store. (He disappears into the back room)

(Customer runs up to me): Where’s your manager?!?

Me: uhh, there’s actually not one working tonight.

Customer: THIS PLACE IS REDICULOUS! I’m leaving!!!

(Coworker finally comes back out grinning)

Me: What’s her deal? She wanted a jacket from another store shipped here?

Coworker: She wanted it shipped from *other mall* to our store which costs $50 on top of the price of the $120 coat

Me: What the f***? Seriously?

(The other mall is literally 10-15 mins by highway from this mall. This woman was waiting 2 weeks and was willing to pay $50 because she couldn’t be bothered to drive over there and buy the coat in the size she needed.)

Supermarket

Pennsylvania

( It is a few minutes before my shift is over and I am working the self-scans with a co-worker. A woman asks me for help with a plastic bag containing a dozen small plastic bottles.)

Me: What can I help you with?

Customer: I have these little bottles and when I scan the package it says that they’re a dollar twenty-nine.

Me: Well, it could be that the entire package is a dollar twenty-nine.

Customer: Actually, I think it means individually because I scanned another bottle and it came up as a dollar twenty-nine so I think it’s referring to each bottle by itself and not the whole package. See the bottle I scanned is already here.

( She shows me a small plastic bottle by the rest of her groceries and at that moment I realize she has thirteen small plastic bottles. The one she had scanned and is with her groceries, and the container that has twelve.)

Me: Hold on one minute and I check with my co-worker.

( I go to my co-worker and she tells me to scan the bottles individually.)

Me:(to customer) Okay, ma’am. I’ll just scan them separately. Since you’ve already scanned one, I’ll just scan the other twelve.

Customer: What do you mean? I only have twelve. I’ve scanned one, now you only have to scan eleven more.

Me: Well, ma’am, you actually have thirteen. There’s the one that you scanned, and the other twelve in this bag.

Customer: What do you mean? I’ve scanned one, so now there’s just eleven left to scan.

Me: Take a look. You’ve scanned one and there’s twelve in this bag so that’s thirteen.

Customer: No, that’s only twelve. I’ve scanned one and now eleven more have to be scanned.

Me: Here ma’am, take a look. ( I count the bottles in the plastic bag and the one that she has by her groceries.) So, take the one that you have already scanned and the ones in this bag and that’s thirteen.

Customer: That’s right. It’s twelve. This one plus the other eleven and that’s twelve.

Me: Yes, but you don’t have twelve. See, there’s the one that you’ve already scanned, plus I’m holding twelve. That makes it thirteen.

(This exchange goes on for a second time as I try to explain to the customer that she actually has thirteen bottles.)

Customer: Look! I don’t have time for this. Just give me twelve if that’ll make you feel better but I know I have eleven.

(Instead, I gave her the “eleven” that she thinks she has just to get rid of her as by this point, I just want to leave and go home to blow off some steam. Truth be told though, after her getting angry with me, I actually felt compelled to add an extra five bottles to her order just to get even. Good thing common sense stopped me.)

Supermarket

Wellington, NZ

(I am stacking a shelf next to one full of bananas)

Customer: Hi, excuse me.

Me: Yes?

Customer: Do you have any yellow bananas?

(Note: All our bananas are ripe and yellow at the moment, but we have several varieties)

Me: Which type of banannas?

Customer: Yellow ones.

Me: Right here, ma’am. (Show her the banana display)

Customer: No, yellow ones. You know, with the yellow tape.

(I realise she wants a variety that has the bunches wrapped with a piece of yellow tape)

Me: Oh, right here. We just changed the display around recently.

Customer: Thank you. (Hesitates) I was asking for yellow bananas, wasn’t I?

Me: Yes.

Customer: Oh.

Fast Food

Nebraska

(I’m a cashier at the restaurant.  A family of four guys has just come up to order.  The youngest is maybe 9 or 10.  Note that all of our burgers usually come with ketchup, mustard, onion, and pickle.)

Boy: Can I get a double cheeseburger meal with everything but onions?

Me: Did you want lettuce and tomato on that, too?

Boy: No.

Me: So…

Boy: And no condiments.

Me: So… plain?  Nothing on it?

Boy: No.  No onion, no condiments.  Like, sauce.

Me: Oh, sorry.  So, just pickle, then?

Boy: No.  Just no onion and no condiments, but everything else.

Me: So… lettuce, tomato, and pickle?

Boy: Yes!  *walks away*