Yorkshire game fair

(I’m holding a Yellow billed Kite for people to look at and hold, a woman comes over to see)

Woman: Oooh he’s lovely what is he?

Me: He’s a Yellow Billed kite called Asbo

Woman: Is it ok to pet him?

Me: Yes but only on his chest please

(I demonstrate where to stroke him but the woman immediately starts to stroke his back and his wings a friend of mine comes over)

Me: Please don’t stroke his back, birds spend a lot of time waterproofing their feathers, and our oily hands strip that off

Woman: (Continues to stroke his back)Oooh he’s so soft

Me and friend: Please stop that now

Woman: (Still stroking his back) Why?

Me: Your taking his waterproof layer off          his feathers, he needs it

Woman: Oh

(She is still stroking his back so I have to physically remove her hand from the bird, to which she walks off in a strop)


Omaha, NE

(Our store was having a sale where if you bought one item, you got 20% off that item.  If you bought 2 items, you got 25% off both items.  If you bought 3 items, you got 30% off all three items.  There were certain exclusions, items on which there was no discount because they were clearance)

Customer: Can you tell me if I get any kind of discount on this item?

Me: (scans item) This is clearance, it does not qualify for a discount, but it does qualify as an item that will give you a discount on those items. (pointing to the other items she was holding).

Customer: So I’ll get a discount on all of these? (referring to the first clearance item as well)

Me: No, the discount only applies to regular price and sale price items, but all items qualify to give you a larger percent off items that are regular or sale priced.

Customer: So I get a discount on all of these things?

Me: No, only on this and this (indicating the regular priced items).  The rest of these give you enough ITEMS to qualify for the discount on the full priced items.

Customer: So all of this will be discounted?

Me: *…*

Tanning salon


A woman came in with her newborn baby and wanted to take it in the room while she tanned. Her excuse was “but she’s asleep. It won’t hurt her eyes.”

"No, ma’am. We still can’t let you take her in there."

Yeah. Lets give your infant skin cancer. 

Sandwich shop

Connecticut, USA

(My dad, who was born and raised in Texas, has just moved to Connecticut with my mom at the time this story takes place, before I was born. He walks into a popular sandwich chain and attempts to order.)

Dad: I’ll have a (sandwich) on a bun, please.

Employee: I’m sorry, sir, but we only serve sandwiches on grinder rolls here.

Dad: What the heck’s a grinder roll? I just want my sandwich on a bun!

Employee: We only serve sandwiches on grinder rolls, sir.

(It went on like this until one of my dad’s friends, who had moved to Connecticut a year prior, decided to intervene.)

Dad’s friend: Hey, (dad’s name), what’s up?

Dad: (to employee) Are you out of buns or something?

Employee: Sir, we’ve never served buns. Even if we did, we’d only sell them at breakfast time.

Dad: What on earth are you talking about?!

(At that point, my dad’s friend bursts out laughing and explains the situation. The employee apparently thought my dad wanted a sandwich served on a cinnamon bun, and my dad had never heard the phrase “grinder roll” before, because no one ever used it where he grew up. Separated by a common language, indeed!)