Northern Ireland

I’m serving a man at the register.

Me: “Sorry sir, this coin is Australian.”

Customer (suddenly angry): “It has the Queen’s head on it, that means you have to accept it! It’s still Sterling!”

Me: “Um, no sir, it’s an Australian dollar, it’s not Sterling at all, the Queen’s head is on it because Australia was a British settlement.”

Customer: “Oh………sorry.”

(He hurriedly takes his items and leaves without waiting for his change.)

Shoe Store


The return policy at my store does not accept any shoes that have been worn.  A customer and his two children come in to return a pair of shoes.  I open the box and see the son’s shoes covered in mud and dirt and have obviously been worn.

Me: I am sorry, but I cannot accept these shoes because they have been worn.

Customer:  My son has never worn these shoes.

(I hold up a shoe covered in mud).

Me: Sir, these shoes have mud on them, I cannot accept worn shoes.

Customer:  My son has not worn these shoes!

This exchange continues for some time, with him consistently denying his son has worn the shoes.  Meanwhile, his son is cheerfully telling all the places he has worn the shoes.

Son:  Daddy, I wore the shoes to grandma’s house!

Son: Daddy, I wore the shoes to the Zoo!


The customer completely ignores his son and eventually storms out.

He took his‘not worn shoes’with him.  However, there was an elderly gentleman and his wife who have heard the entire exchange. 

Gentlemen:   If I wore these shoes to the zoo, could I return them?

I told him that although it was against the policy, I would let him!

Post Office

Tourist zone, NC

I work in a small post office in a tourist zone. Most of my business customers have PO boxes, and they often get too busy during tourist season to check them for several days at a time. To help our customers avoid having their boxes closed for non-payment. The first is 30 days before the payment is due, the second is 15 days, and on the day it is due, we block the box, but keep the mail so the customer can catch up on a payment. Mail gets sent back when the box is 10 days late.

One of my business customers is on the block level…and comes up to my counter claiming that he got no notice, and should have the late fee removed. I gently remind him that he had two paper notices, and that I cannot remove the fee. He then throws the money at me, telling me he didn’t need the ‘paltry sum’ and was certain that  I thought he was broke. I tried to be nice, and tell him ‘Everyone forgets during tourist season’, but he kept ranting that he was not broke and would not be treated as if he were. He also kept telling me I didn’t do my job. The whole lobby heard him…including customers that were coming in. The customers were getting concerned, and I smiled very broadly, and wished him a “Very lovely day!” in the sunniest Southern drawl I could conjure. He yelled: “I am not wishing you a nice day..I am wishing you..” “Now, now, now careful! What you wish on me, you get back in threes!’ My boss was putting mail into his box at the time, heard the commotion, and reminded him that we extended a professional courtesy to his business, when the mail should have been sent back.

Fast Food

Colorado, USA

(I’m working drive-thru. There are two different customers in this car who place separate orders. Customer #1, in the passenger seat, has just finished her order.)

Customer #2: “Can I have a number six combo with no tomatoes—”


Me: “Actually, I don’t like tomatoes either…”

Customer #1: “WHAT?! BOTH OF YOU!? YOU’RE FIRED!”

(I had to turn off my headset for a moment because I was laughing so much. Customer #2 finishes her order and they pull to the second window.)

Me: “Hi! Your total is $**.**.”

Customer #1: “You don’t like tomatoes? How could you! Tomatoes make the world go ‘round!”

(At least she wasn’t serious!)

Computer Store, Retail

NSW, Australia

A customer comes in looking for some ink for his printer.

Customer: I need some ink for [printer model]

Me: That printer takes [cartridge models]. you can find them on that shelf there *points to cartridges*

Customer: OK, but why do they have to call them these funny names? Why can’t they just be called red, yellow and blue? Anyhow, I need the red one. Is that Magenta?

Me: Yes

Customer: And so the Cyanide must be the blue one?

Me (trying no to laugh): Um… yeah. Yes. The Cyan is the blue.