Charity shop


(I volunteer for a local charity who just took over a shop from another local charity who went bust six months ago. My wife is the manager. The name of the charity has the county in it.)

Customer: Is [name] here?

Me: No sorry, we’re a new shop now and there’s only the three of us at the moment.

Customer: So what charity is running it now?

Me: [charity name]

Customer: And what do they do?

Me: Support the homeless people in the area.

Customer: Well they’re not local are they! They all come here!

She storms out, I stand there dumbfounded and then managed to get out “That was a bit harsh,” while my wife is laughing.

Online Chatroom


(I am one of a small number of people who moderate the text-only chatroom part of a video livestream. The chatroom has a small community of regular viewers and a set of fairly well-defined rules, including ‘no typing in all-capitals’ which we enforce as fairly but firmly as we can. The regulars are used to the rules and respect that they create a pleasant chat experience for all, but we still get newbies trying to argue that we are ‘too strict’ and ‘unfair’. This is by far the best silly argument we’ve gotten…)

New Viewer: Hey! You moderators should calm down. Look around, you’re the only ones who really care about the capitals! Just chill out, sit back and watch the stream!

Me: … Did you really just tell us to stop doing our job…?

Fast food


I work in an ice cream store and this is the second time i heard this.

Customer: Do you have a bathroom?

Me: no we dont

Customer: you must have a bathroom

Me: we do but its not for the public


His son looks at him

Me: we dont have a public bathroom but you can go next door to [store]


Me: no its not

Customer storms out with his son. I turn to my co worker were not even a restaurant.

Convenience Store

Clearwater Florida

(I have a line of customers in front of me when a man rushes in with a panicked look on his face)


Me: Excuse me?

Man: For my wife. I need them for my wife NOW!

Me pointing: They are on the bottom shelf in the back of that aisle.

(The customer goes to the aisle and I see him disappear. I go back to checking out customers. Suddenly his head pops up in the aisle)

Man shouting: Hey, you got any extra large?

(it took several minutes before the other customers and I could stop laughing)

Secondhand Media Store


(My fiance and I are regulars at a store that sells used movies, videogames, etc. and we’ve become good friends with one of the cashiers. On this day, we’re the only customers in the store, the cashier’s coworker is taking a break, and my fiance is entertaining us by imitating Consuela, the Mexican housekeeper on Family Guy. The phone rings and my fiance grabs the phone and answers it in the same ridiculous voice.)

Fiance: “Hello. Dis Consuela. You buy lemon Pledge?”

Customer: (obviously an older white male judging by the voice) “Wha… Who is this? Who are you?”

Fiance: “Dis Consuela. You buy lemon Pledge?”

Customer: “I’m calling (store)! Are you one of those damn Mexicans? Why would they hire you? Are you even legal?”

Fiance: “No… no… green card expire twenty years ago. I stay. Keep job.”

Customer: “You’re illegal? You’re stealing jobs?”

Fiance: “Si. I stay. Keep job.”

Customer: “I’m calling the police and getting you deported!”

Fiance: “Bring it on, beetch.”

(He hangs up the phone, and the cashier and I are almost rolling on the floor in tears from laughing. The customer calls back and the cashier manages to answer it, saying that the customer must have called the wrong number earlier.)