call center
Southern Utah Utah USA

(I worked at a call center for a cell phone company.)

Me: Thank you for calling _____. This is ____. How may I help you?

Customer: I just found out my girlfriend’s been cheating on me. I want my dirty pics back.

Me: (aghast) Excuse me sir?

Customer: My girlfriend is a dirty wh*** and I want the pics back that I sent to her on my phone.

Me: You want the pictures back that you already sent to her?

Customer: Yes ma’am. I got a fine bod and I don’t want her showing her new boyfriend in case something happens.

Me: I’m terribly sorry sir, but we cannot retrieve pictures once they’ve been sent.

Customer: You mean she has them forever?

Me: Until she deletes them from her phone, or her phone automatically deletes it for her.

Customer: Automatically deletes? What’s that mean?

Me: Certain older cell phone models delete their older messages automatically to make room for new ones.

Customer: How many messages does it take to delete it?

Me: Assuming it’s an older model (looks it up on computer) It can take 20-50 text messages.

Customer: Thanks so much. I’ma text that b**** 100 times. Teach her to mess with ____ -click-

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call center
Southern Utah Utah USA

(I work at a call center for a cell phone company. I’ve been in training for a few weeks to understand how to work the systems and respond to customers.)

Me: Thank you for calling_____ my name is ____ How can I help you?

Customer: My phone is broken, I’m out here on my front porch and my phone is broken.

Me: Is there a problem with the signal sir? (His thick accent is hard to understand)

Customer: I guess so. 

Me: (looks up service for his area) It looks like the signal is in our top percentile.

Customer: No it ain’t. I want you to send a technician or someone out here to fix it.

Me: I can lodge a complaint for the cell tower for you.

Customer: Cell tower? What in the h*** is that?

Me: It provides the signal your cell phone needs to make calls.

Customer: The problem isn’t with my cell phone, it’s with my home phone.

Me: Your landline sir?

Customer: I don’t know, the one that’s plugged into the wall.

(The conversation goes on for a few minutes with him insisting it’s a cell phone until I finally determine it’s a landline.)

Me: Sir, I’m sorry, but we can only handle cell phone problems here. I can transfer you to the landline company if you want.

Customer: This is bulls***! I want my two phones through the same company!

Me: We do offer land-based services, but it appears you have a contract for a few more months.

Customer: How the h*** did you know that? That’s my personal information! I’m going to call the police! What’s your name again missy?

Me: Our records show that you called 2 weeks ago and requested that our company handle both of your phones, but you told the representative you were under contract for another 5 months. Is that correct sir?

Customer:….. -click-

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Grocery 
Texas

Customer: I want this turkey at a lower price!

(Note: During Thanksgiving you could get the store brand turkey free if you spent $150)

Me: Is there anything wrong with this turkey?

Customer: No, but I’m spending a lot of money and I don’t want to spend $30 on a turkey!

Me: Ok,so you want your turkey discounted just because?

Customer: Yes!

I call my manager and she said she already talked to this customer and told him she would give him a free store brand turkey. I tell him what she said.

Customer: I already talked to her! I wanted her to come out here and tell me again! I don’t want a store brand turkey! They’re too small! I need a turkey that is more than just 12 pounds! 

Me: Do you want me to call her up here then? You can either get a free turkey or pay for this one. 

Customer: No! Fine! I’ll just get this one! You just want to rip me off! 

Me: Ok. Have a good day then. 

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Hardware store
Harrisburg, PA, USA

Me (store employee): Hi, how are you today? can I help you find anything?

Customer (with strong New England accent): Can you tell me where you keep your caulk. (unfortunately with a New England accent CAULK sounds like COCK.)

Me: (I let loose a short laugh- then had to explain the laugh) I think your New England accent is going to get you in trouble this time.

Customer (thinking through what he said gets to caulk and laughs at the situation also. He then exaggerates a PA accent) “Can you tell me where you keep your CAAAWWK”Read more funny stories at NotAlwaysRight.com!

craft store/ frame shop
everett, washington

I was working the counter in a custom frame shop of a large craft store chain.  It was a typical day very busy on the lunch hour, and our shop was slammed. People waiting for assistance during their lunch hour tend to get very irritated because of the unexpected long wait that it takes to work with a customer and design their orders.  I was the “lucky” one to help a portly woman with curly blond hair, who i had seen roll her eyes a few times sighing loudly, while waiting.  Better yet, she had a very complicated order, because she wanted to frame a bunch of superbowl memorabilia.  She had no idea how she wanted it to look, and even worse wasn’t very open to suggestions.  Whenever i would mention the math invovled in the layout, her face would go blank and then she would become even more annoyed looking. She began to make belittling comments.

blond woman: Are you stupid? Can’t you just figure out what i want?  You are making things too complicated.  You need to hurry Up!

By this point i was near tears from embarassment and stress, and also having a hard time working through the problem with the computer software used to map out the order.

Me: Im sorry mam,  But i unfortunately I cannot simplify this process.

She began punching a fist into her opposite palm in a menacing manner commenting under her breath that i was an obnoxiouse little brat and started shaking her head.

Me: mam, perhaps i could get another associate, who may be able to help you better with your order.

I then walked to the other end of the counter and tapped my boss on the shoulder, asked to talk to him in the back.  I started crying out of frustration.. and partially out of stress because on top of that mess my husband had just recently left on a long term military deployment. I begged my boss to take over the order.  In turn i took over his.  For the rest of her time at the counter she continued to shoot me dirty looks, even though my boss had given her a huge discount on her order for her troubles.

That night I came home and told my roomate/close friend the whole story.

Funny enough one week later my rommate came home to tell me of a portly woman with blond hair who came in to the restraunt she worked at for lunch with a friend.  As my friend seated them she overheard them talking about the craft store i worked in.

mean lady’s friend:  Oh i love that store, they always have such great stuff, and i can always get great project ideas while im there from the employees.

mean blond woman: Oh well, last time I was there, I had some stuff framed and had to work with the most annoying snotty little teenage brat.

My friend immediately recognized the story the woman told.  Aparently, the lady thought I was a teenager with an attitude. (i was in my early twenties at the time so i guess that wasnt too much of a stretch)  My friend kept her mouth closed as she seated her guest.

I guess that I can have my satisfaction in the fact that the cooks at that time in that restraunt sometimes took special care handeling the food of “special” customers like portly blond lady. *smirk*

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