Hardware Store

New England

Note: Propane tanks are not allowed in the building for safety reasons.

A blonde customer in her twenties comes in with a propane tank she would like to exchange. One of my

fellow associates (associate a) tries to explain to her the process of buying a new tank which is: leaving

your old tank outside by the locked up cages, coming inside to a register and purchasing a tank

exchange, and then waiting outside for a head cashier (me) to swap the tanks. Unfortunately she just

doesn’t get it and this process takes almost ten minutes. She finally goes outside and another five

minutes go by before she comes inside. Keep in mind she has an attitude the entire from start to finish.

Customer: “Um, is anyone going to come out there? I’ve been out there for quite some time and no one’s

shown up yet.”

Me: “Oh, sorry about that ma’am if you go right through the entrance again I’ll meet you and we can get

you your new tank.”

We meet up and are walking outside when she stops me in the entrance where we keep the carts.

Customer: “Is this going to be heavy? Should I grab a cart?”

After staring at the customer for a few moments I realize she, is in fact, quite serious.

Me: “Uh…yeah. Filled tanks are usually heavy.”

Customer: “Yeah whatever.”

After doing the exchange I ask to see her receipt before I can let her leave as also is policy. She throws

me a really confused look.

Customer: “What? I didn’t pay yet! You told me to come stand out here so I did.”

Me: “Actually ma’am I was there when the associate told you to come outside and /drop off/ your tank,

go back inside and purchase a new one, and then come back outside again. But that’s okay! Just go right

on inside and I’ll wait out here for you.”

When the customer walked away I called the associate standing at the service desk to prepare her for

what was going on. ((I later learned the customer was startled when her order was already rung up for

her when she got there.))  When she comes back outside I ask to see her receipt again and she quickly flashes it in front of my face.

Me: “Ma’am I have to be able to read your receipt.”

Customer: “Oh my god, whatever!”

Handing me her receipt I look it over and give her the all clear to go home. Instead of taking her cart and going on her merry way she stood there for almost a minute and a half.

Customer: “So am I good to go?”

Me: “Yes ma’am. Have a nice day.”

The entire exchange from beginning to end took almost a half an hour. It was all I could do to make it through the last half hour of my shift without crying from my laughter. 


Illinois, USA

(I am working as an usher at a cinema that frequently shows movies in 3D as well as 2D.  I’m about to step into a theater to do a check when a guest and her son come out from the theater behind me)

Guest:  Miss?  Excuse me, but there’s little spots on my 3D glasses.

Me:  Spots?

Guest:  Yes!  (She shows me the “spots” on the glasses and demands to know what is wrong.)

Me:  *blank-faced and trying not to laugh*  Ma’am, that’s dust on the lenses.

Guest:  Dust?  How can there be dust on them?  I only just pulled them out of the package!

Me:  Well, they’re not packed in a sterile environment, and there’s also dust in the air here, so it could have attached at any time.

Guest:  *Looking horrified*  How do I get rid of it?

Me:  *really trying to suppress a smile*  The easiest way is to wipe the lenses on the hem of your shirt.  You could also use a napkin.

Guest:  Will it ruin the lenses if I do that?

Me:  No, ma’am.  Also, if you just leave them the way they are, I bet you won’t even notice when your show starts.

(She finally leaves, her son looking just as confused as she was, and goes back to her theater.  Oddly, I never got another complaint from her about the “spots”.  My coworkers, however, found the entire incident hilarious.)

Shoe Store


(I am wandering around in the boot section  of a well known shoe store when I overhear an argument between a young couple.)

Husband: I’m telling you, these Redwings are going to be better than these sketchers!

Wife: But this totally have more padding, you’ll feel so much better! (they go on like this for several minutes, finally I walk past them to get out of the store when the husband whips around and looks at me. Note, I’m wearing a carhardt jacket and cowboy boots. So I might have looked like I knew about work boots.)

Husband: You sir! Which are better?

Me (I glace sideways at the wife): Sorry, but he’s right.


(I scurry away, after all. Hell hath no fury…)


Barrington, RI, USA

(I work as an associate in the copy department of a multi-department store. In Barrington, customers think that they are better than anyone because they have money, and frequently like to cause scenes.)

Customer: I want you to print something off of my flash drive. The file is called (file name).

Me: Sure thing. It will just be a minute. *I go to my computer and plug in the file. After searching for the file, I can’t locate it anywhere on the flashdrive.* I’m sorry sir, but I can’t seem to find it.

Customer: What do you mean you can’t find it? Let me see.

Me: *I plug the flashdrive into a computer closer to him so he can see that the file is not on his flashdrive*

Customer: It was on here! You deleted it! Why did you delete my file?

Me: I’m sorry sir, you could have unplugged your flashdrive to quickly and not have allowed it to finish saving. But I assure you, I did not delete your file.

Customer: Yes you did! Every time I come here, I get treated like shit! This is ridiculous! What are you, RETARDED? *The customer is now being very loud and screaming in front of other employees and customers*

Me: *At this point, I am near tears. I have a mentally challenged Uncle and found him to be very offensive* I’m sorry-

Manager: *my manager knows I have a mentally challenged Uncle, and has met him before and likes him very much* *comes running over* What seems to be the problem here?

Customer: You clearly have a retard working here! She can’t do anything right, she always treats me like shit, and she deleted an important file off of my flashdrive!

Manager: Are you okay?

Customer: No! I am not! I am very upset!

Manger: Actually sir, I was talking to my associate. She doesn’t get paid enough to deal with jerks like you who don’t know enough to save something properly. I want you out of my store!

Customer: You can’t throw me out!

Manager: I beg to differ! She has a mentally challenged Uncle who is a wonderful man. I have it on security cameras showing you verbally harassing her. Leave before I call the police and have charges pressed against you, you asshole!

(The customer runs out of the store while the other customers in the store clap and cheer for my manager)

Me: (Managers name), we don’t have security cameras..

Manager: What that bastard doesn’t know, won’t hurt him.

(That customer never came back into our store again. I don’t think he ever realized that we don’t have security cameras, or anything that even resembles a security camera. I never respected my manager more than I did that day.)